


Guilty

by kbecks87



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Amy Santiago-centric, F/M, Gen, Jamy, One Shot, Peraltiago, Post conviction (season 4 finale), spoilers thru 5.03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 08:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17721497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbecks87/pseuds/kbecks87
Summary: Glimpses into Amy's life between 4x22 (Crime and Punishment) and 5x03 (Kicks). Peraltiago. One-Shot. Amy Centric.





	Guilty

Amy hears the foreman say guilty and then can’t hear anything at all over the ringing in her ears. She’s always had such an unshakeable faith in justice, a belief that guilty people go to jail and innocent people don’t, that for a moment she has actual trouble comprehending what is happening. And, yeah – of course she knows the system isn’t perfect – she’s seen _Making A Murderer_ , okay, but she never thought this would happen. She registers the sound of Jake’s voice ( _cool, cool, cool, cool_ ) and she shakes her head, trying to clear it and focus on him. She stands and reaches towards him, the railing digging into her hip as she presses against it and he must see the movement out of the corner of his eye, because he turns and reaches for her, too, stretching across the chair behind him so that their fingertips touch. It’s just for a moment, though, just the second that it takes for the bailiff to send two uniformed officers over to handcuff Jake and Rosa before pulling them towards the door. 

She just stands there, her eyes fliting between the door that that’s still swinging a little, having closed behind them and Lieutenant Hawkins who is smiling and gathering her things casually, like she’s not ruining lives. Holt clears his throat once, twice, then finally speaks, “We will prove Jake and Rosa innocent” he says simply, his voice as thick with emotion as she’s ever heard it. He puts his hand on her shoulder, waits for her to turn her head so she’s looking at him to add “we will” and pauses before, “but, right now we have to go”. She glances around at the rest of the squad with vacant eyes until Terry picks up her purse and jacket and puts his hand on her elbow, leading her out. 

She wants to stay, wants to try to catch sight of Jake and Rosa one more time today. But she knows it’s not realistic, there are tunnels underground that go between the courthouse and the jail they’d be held at until their transfers come through and they’ve probably already disappeared down those anyway. Besides, Jake wouldn’t want her waiting around to watch him do what he calls the Chain Gang Shuffle, anyway. 

For all the talk of her being the reasonable one, the pragmatist, in their relationship, she didn’t put a lot of thought into what she’d do if Jake was found guilty. It had seemed impossible at the time, outlandish that the jury wouldn’t see through Hawkins. Instead, she’d put all her faith in the Justice System she’s devoted her life to, the one that just let her down. She knows the broad strokes of what she has to do now – go home, work the case, get them out – but, she isn’t sure how she’s actually supposed to do any of that when all she can think about is Jake and Rosa in prison. 

She can hear the others talking behind her; they don’t want her to drive, Terry can take her home, Holt can take her car, Terry will bring Holt back for his car. She wants to object, _it’s fine, I’m fine, guys_ on the tip of her tongue, but it rings false even in her own ears, so she lets Terry open the passenger side of her car and direct her in it. He hugs her when he drops her off and she still feels like she’s in a haze when she leaves him, half expecting Jake to jump out at her when she opens the door to their apartment, _I can’t believe you fell for that, Santiago, it’s almost too easy_ and a shit eating grin on his face. Instead, when she turns the lights on, she sees the tie she’d vetoed this morning draped across the back of the couch ( _she was fastening her shoes when he came out of the bedroom holding up two ties, ‘which one makes me look innocent?’ he’d asked. She tossed the green one over the back of the couch and tied the stripped one around his neck, ‘it’s going to be fine, babe’ she’d promised_ ). She picks it up on her way to their room, digging her nails into her palm – would he be here with her now if she’d told him to wear the green? 

She turns the shower on, water just this side of too hot. Jakes always complains that her showers are too hot _my skin is going to melt off, Babe / if you can’t take the heat, Peralta…._ She steps in and directly in front of the water, letting the spray hit her face, hoping it’ll snap her out of this stupor. All it does, though, is bring the tears that have been building since Langdon took the stand out of her. Once they start, she can’t stop them and they build and build until it’s big racking sobs that consume her. She leans against the shower wall and slides down until she’s sitting on the floor of the tub, water raining around her. 

She’s not sure how long she’s there crying, loud angry sobs that rack her whole body, but when she finally leans a hand against the shower wall for balance and pushes herself to her feet the water is freezing and she’s shaking. She doesn’t bother combing out her hair, just pulls on a pair of sweat pants and an old academy sweatshirt of Jake’s that he slept in a couple of nights ago and still smells like him and lays down. 

When her alarm goes off in the morning, she hardly even glances at it as she smacks the button on the top. She’s sitting in the center of the bed, cross-legged, and surrounded by papers that she is organizing into a binder. She’d gotten a few hours of sleep, her crying leaving her dehydrated and exhausted, but the sound of a Taxi and a truck almost colliding outside her window and their respective drivers arguing about fault had left her awake, and in her opinion, alert enough to work. She gets up and gets dressed – grey pantsuit, black shoes (sensible one inch chunky heal), dark purple shirt – and smooths her hair back. Holt offered her the day off, but everyone at the Nine-Nine loves Jake and Rosa in their own ways and they should be together for this. Besides, she reminds herself, they are going to figure this out – the Nine-Nine is full of great detectives with no intention of abandoning Jake and Rosa in prison. By the time she gets in her car, she has convinced herself that they will have this figured out before Jake and Rosa are ever even transferred out of New York. 

Stepping off the elevator is weird. She almost always gets in before Rosa, and even though her and Jake drive in together, he likes to get coffee at the cart outside the building, so she’s normally in the bullpen before him too. She shouldn’t feel their absence, not yet, but she does, she feels it like something physical. Terry is at Rosa’s desk, obstinately to gather her open case files to reassign, but he’s just standing there, running his fingers over her coffee mug. He tries to smile at her, but it comes out as more of a grimace, she imagines the same is true for her when she tries to return it. She slings her bag over the back of her chair, the _Jake and Rosa_ binder thumping against her desk. 

The morning briefing is short – awkward and quiet in a way that Amy has never experienced. Gina, more subdued than Amy has ever seen her, hovers in the doorway hoping to catch any updates there are about Jake and Rosa (there aren’t any) and glaring at the officer in the corner whose name Amy forgets when he asks why anyone cares about a couple of dirty cops, anyway. Holt dismisses them after that, trying to nip the ensuing fight in the bud, and Amy would stay and argue (thinking that a good fight might be what she needs) but the New York Detention Center is opening in two minutes and she wants to call right away. Her and Terry start calling the moment they open, her for Jake and him for Rosa, trying to get information about visiting hours, transfer dates or locations, anything really. 

They mostly get nothing. She hears Terry behind her, “No, please don’t transfer me aga…in” at the same time the fourth person she’s talked to says there is no new information at this time. They both do manage to get Jake and Rosa’s case numbers, and since she really needs a win right now, she chooses to count it as one. The case numbers allow them to track Jake and Rosa’s cases through the online system, and submit paperwork and contribute to their commissary funds. Amy pulls this up on her work computer ad her cell phone, book marking the page in both places in case one updates faster than the other. The words _Transfer: PENDING_ at the top of the screen taunt her as she submits her request to be added to Jake’s visitor list. 

* 

It’s been five days since the verdict and the reality of how hard it’s going to be to work Jake’s case and maintain her life is settling in. The team is always having hushed, short meetings about the case in cramped rooms (Amy is only about seventy percent sure that on any given day Hitchcock and Scully know what they’re meeting about) and since Amy doesn’t feel like she can work on it in the open at her desk, she’s always finding weird closets to crack her binder open in. Scully finds her one day, bent over her binder and looking at Hawkins’ in the newest batch of surveillance photos on her phone (he say’s he was looking for a secret food stash he thought was kept here, but he smiles when he finds her). He leads her to his and Hitchcock’s nap room and says it’s hers until Jake comes home (but then she has to give it right back). She sinks onto the couch with a grateful smile. And of course, criminals still rob grocery stores, and commit murders, and scam people, and all other assorted criminal activity and she still has to do her job. She wants to scream that she is trying to get her innocent boy friend out of jail, and could you not sell drugs right now, please, she has kind of a lot going on. 

That night, she gets a notification that the paperwork she submitted to be Jake’s primary and in-case-of-emergency contact was finally approved (it’d been necessary since they aren’t family, not in the eyes of the State, and for a second when the paperwork stalled, she wished they’d done a quick court house wedding when things started to look dicey. But, that’s not how she wanted to marry Jake, so she shakes that from her head). She clicks off the notification and into what she was working on – finishing up the paperwork for one of Rosa’s cases that she solved this morning. She feels guilty that she doesn’t think of Rosa more often in all of this. Rosa is one of her best friends, and she tries to assuage her guilt with the knowledge that whatever she does for Jake’s case, she is doing for Rosa’s as well, but it doesn’t always help. 

She stops by the grocery on her way home. All that’s in her refrigerator is a half-gallon of expired milk, a six pack of Jake’s cheap beer, and eggs she doesn’t remember buying. Even if you could make a meal of that, she can’t, so she has to make the stop. She’s at home, putting away the groceries when she realizes she bought a two-liter of Orange Soda, not Orangina ( _God, Santiago, what are you trying to do, poison me?_ ), but Orange Soda (in the plastic two-liter because Jake thinks the aluminum cans change the taste and _you don’t mess with perfection, Ames._ She cries on the kitchen floor. 

* 

She thinks a lot about Jake and Holt’s time in Florida. And that was hard, but at least then she knew he was safe. She thinks the not knowing is the hardest part. 

* 

The day that Rosa is assigned a transfer the whole squad goes to see her. She’s going to Connecticut, which isn’t perfect, but it’s only about a two-hour drive (if conditions are good) they can go after work and spend time with her. That’s what they tell her, all sitting around a table that’s bolted to the ground. 

* 

Jake is finally cleared for visitors, he’s still in holding in New York (Rosa was put on a bus yesterday morning, already in Connecticut – she started a riot in her first few hours (they refused to house her protective custody, so her options were limited) and is already in solitary. She’s parking when she gets the notification that Jake’s been assigned a transfer. He’s going to Supermax in South Carolina. She cuts the engine on the car and Googles it – it’s a thirteen-hour drive in perfect conditions. And she knows he could have been assigned anywhere, he could be going to the opposite coast and thirteen-hours isn’t that bad. But it feels like a failure. She was sure they could fix this before Jake or Rosa were transferred out of New York, but they couldn’t, and it feels impossibly harder now that they’ll be so far away. She lets herself panic in the car, sitting there until she feels he breathing even out before tossing her cell in her glove box and walking towards the entrance. 

She left everything except her keys in the car, but even those have to be checked in at the front desk, so when she’s shown to a small table to wait for Jake at, she has nothing to fiddle with expect the sleeve of her own jacket. There are a couple of other people talking to loved ones in the small room, but while you can hear the low hum of voices, everyone is pretty spread out, looking for whatever privacy they can get, and she can’t make out any words. 

She hears the shuffling of feet and glances up, “Jake” she breaths out, standing. He smiles, like he’s not wearing ugly orange, like he’s not waiting for someone to remove his handcuffs, like he’s not already noticeably thinner than the last time she saw him, like he doesn’t have dark circles under his eyes, like his nails haven’t been bitten down to the quick. He’s waved in and his arms circle around her and for a moment, she smiles the same way. 

“Ames” he whispers against her skin, lips brushing the juncture of her neck to her shoulder, sneaking a kiss to her cheek as he pulls back and they both sit down. “I missed you” he mummers, glancing at the guards who mill about around them. 

She winces a little, “It’s been hard. I had to be cleared and - ” he puts his hand over hers on the table, shaking his head. He’s about to speak when one of the guards taps their baton against the table and points to their hands. Jake raises both of his hands, and lowers them back down on his side of the table. “Sorry” she says, glancing up at the guard, hating them a little. She clears her throat as the guard leaves, forcing a smile for Jake, “Charles wanted to come with me today, but I wanted…” she trails off, “I’m sure he’ll be fun to ride to South Carolina with.” She says, faux sarcasm in her voice. 

Jake cocks his head, “South Carolina?” ha asks, “A case taking you there, or something?” 

She swallows, she thought he’d know before her. “That’s where your going – Supermax in Jericho” she says soft. He nods a little, thinking it through ( _cool, cool, cool, cool_ ). “I really thought we’d…I didn’t think you’d…” she talks in fits and starts, trying to find a way to say what she’s thinking, swallowing at his rueful smile ( _spit it out, Santiago_ ). “I feel like I failed you, like I’m failing you, and I’m sorry” is what she finally says. His eyes soften and he starts to reach for her hand but remembers himself half way there, sighing in frustration and fidgeting a little in his seat, leaning on the table more. 

“You don’t fail anything, Amy” he whispers, “we’re going to figure this out”. 

“Don’t comfort me,” she says, beginnings of a smile on her lips as she hastily wipes at her eyes, “I’m supposed to comfort you” she adds, boarding on playful. 

Jakes smiles, “Comfort me…you’re supposed to congratulate me” he strokes the beginnings of what some people might call a beard, “I’m finally able to start growing a beard and my girl doesn’t even notice?” he asks. 

“I don’t think you can actually call that a beard, I was trying to be nice by not mentioning it” she teases and he scoffs. 

He grins, please with himself, “tell me what’s going on at the Nine-Nine.” 

She tells him everything she can think of, how Gina is so pregnant she can barley stand it and using that to get Terry to do every crazy things she asks, she tells him the Rosa is in Connecticut and they’re trying to visit her, she tells him that Doug Judy called her a few days after the verdict to ask if he could help, she tells him that Charles yelled at the cleaning staff a few days ago when they tried to throw away the half eaten grilled cheese sandwich on his desk, she tells him about the time Holt made an honest-to-God expression when they were discussing a development on his case (she leaves out that what they thought was a development turned into a total bust), she tells him about going to his mom’s the day after the verdict and their plans to meet for coffee every Wednesday between Karen’s shifts, she tells him about Hitchcock and Scully asking where he is every time they forget and about the time they asked and Terry tried to fire them. 

He watches her talk, throwing in little comments here and there, but mostly content to be updated on his friends’ lives, until visiting time is over and a guard comes to take him back to the cells. He pulls her towards him when then stand, crushing his arms around her, smiling when her lips press against the skin behind his ear. “I love you, okay, and we’re going to figure this out. I promise.” She says and then after they step back from each other, “I love you” again when she’s able to look in his eyes and say it. “And I’ll see you soon, Santiago-Boyle road trip is on the horizon” she smiles. 

He grins, “I love you, Ames”. 

The guard follows him out of the room, replacing his handcuffs the moment they pass they threshold – they are not gentle. The guards think he’s a dirty cop and the inmates think he’s still a cop, still their enemy – there aren’t a lot of people more universally hated in prison than cops, snitches maybe, and it makes her uneasy. She makes a mental note to check and see if any inmates in Jericho are people Jake helped put away. 

When she gets to work, everyone crowds around her to ask questions about Jake. Charles is still sulking a little since she’d asked him if it could just be her this time, but he hangs on to every word she says, asking follow up questions before the first words are even completely out of her mouth. Even Holt comes out of his office for the update, hanging towards the back of the group and giving her a nod when she says that they’ll figure this out – that they’ll get Jake and Rosa back soon. 

* 

Her warrant request is approved and she’s shrugging her coat on when Hitchcock opens a can of SpaghettiOs at his desk and half of them spill on the ground in front of his desk. Charles watches it happen, then about a minute later, walks by Hitchcock’s desk, slips on the spilled food and falls. “Boyle you literally watched that spill” she says, voice higher than normal in confused amusement. She glances over at Jake’s desk to roll her eyes and then blinks a few times as she remembers why he’s not helping Charles up and mocking him simultaneously. 

* 

Gina goes into labor at three in the morning on a Thursday. She calls Holt from the hospital, between what she calls _getting her drug on and holy shit, I’m now pushing a child out of my body_. Holt calls Terry, who calls everyone else. Soon, the whole squad (and Kevin) are in the waiting room, piled into one of the corners, half asleep and leaning on each other. Even Hitchcock and Scully show up, though Amy’s not entirely sure they know why they’re here ( _free Jell-O_ she hears Sully say, elbowing Hitchcock in the ribs at one point). They’re all asleep when the nurse comes out, hours later, but Amy blinks awake and the woman waits for her to orient herself before telling her that Gina had the baby and asked to see her. Amy nods, confused as to why Gina would want to see _her_ , figures it’s going to be something mean, and eases Terry off her should and leans him against the wall, her bunched up coat between his head and the peeling wall paper. She picks up the little stuffed wolf she and Jake bought when they found out Gina was pregnant (she’s glad she had the wherewithal to grab it when Terry called her) and follows the nurse to Gina’s room. 

She’s wearing the black leggings and Jake’s _Die Hard_ hoodie that she was sleeping in, having only pulled on sneakers and a coat when Terry called and she’s expecting to open Gina’s door to mockery, but instead Gina glances up at her from the little bundle in her arms and half smiles, “Amy, meet Enigma” tilting the baby towards her a little, so Amy can see her face. Amy breaks out into a smile and Gina says, “Want to hold her?” and Amy nods, eyes swimming a little. She takes the little bundle of pink from Gina’s arms and hands her the stuffed wolf, Gina smiles, turning the animal over in her hands as Amy sits in the chair by her bed. It’s quite for a moment, both of the looking at Enigma, until “I wish Jake was here” Gina almost whispers. 

Amy’s next breath comes out sharp and she nods. It’s easy, sometimes, to forget that Gina and Jake have been friends longer than any of them, _pre-womb besties_ Jake had called it once. “Me too” she says, pulling the blanket back from Enigma’s face a little, “He will be, soon” she adds, a promise – to Gina and Enigma. 

Gina nods, reaches over to let her fingers play over the baby’s chest, “yeah” she mumbles, voice as watery and honest as Amy’s ever heard it, “Uncle Jake will be babysitting you in no time” she whispers to the baby, glancing up at Amy then back down to Enigma before adding, “And Aunt Amy will supervise, to make sure he keeps the fruit roll up breakfast burritos to a bare minimum.” Amy lets out a surprised laugh, an unexpected happy sound that bubbles out of her before she can stop it. 

After everyone has met the baby and Gina has gotten some sleep, Amy asks a nurse for help taking a photo of Gina with Enigma, the rest of the squad behind her. Cell phones aren’t allowed in the prison, but she’s read the rules and she knows that she can take paper photos to the visit and Jake can keep them, so she uses the photo printer at work to print a color copy. (The next time she visits Jake she takes him the photo. Charles bounces in his seat a little when she hands it to Jake and Jake’s eyes well up with tears when he trails his fingers over the glossy paper). 

* 

Teddy calls her a couple of weeks after the verdict to see how she is. She tells him that Jake is being framed and that the Nine-Nine is working to find evidence. He doesn’t say it, but she can tell he dubious about it. She gets it, if she were on the outside looking in, she might think she sounded crazy and desperate, too. Cops are supposed to believe in the law and trial process, and Teddy does. She can respect that. At one point he says, “well, at least he’s not boring” with a teasing lilt and Amy knows it a joke, knows he doesn’t mean anything by it, not really. But she says “Thanks for calling Teddy” and hangs up. 

* 

Almost a month after the verdict and Amy has devolved a routine, it goes like this; she wakes up early and works on the case, showers, goes to work, she takes calls as she gets them – does her job, but whenever she has spare time she takes her case files to the nap room to work she is joined occasionally by whoever happens to also have free time (the nap room has become a revolving door of people working on the case), usually spends her lunch eating in the break room (usually with Terry who she knows worries about her) and sometimes in Babylon (Gina texted her weird hints about it until she found it after she went on maternity leave) to be by herself for a few minutes and maybe cry, if the day calls for it. She picks up take out on her way home, gets a call from Jake at 7:05 every other day and cherishes the fifteen minutes they’re allowed (even aware that there is always a silent third party listening to every word), spreads the case files over the coffee table and works on them until she falls asleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. 

It’s not the healthiest routine, and she knows that, but it’s what she has. It’s not an exact science, each day is not a carbon copy of the last, she doesn’t have that kind of job and sometimes leads in the case have to be investigated and that’s always after hours. None of them turn into anything though, and her routine is what she falls back on. 

* 

She visits Jake most weekends, but at least every other weekend. Usually with at least one other member of the Nine-Nine. He looks worse every time she goes and she hates the way his face falls every time she has to tell him that their leads aren’t panning out. 

In the time that they’ve been in prison, she’s only been to see Rosa a handful of times. In theory it should be easier to go see her – the drive is only a couple of hours. But, between work and going to see Jake she doesn’t have a lot of time. And, almost every time she calls to see if Rosa is allowed visitors, she’s in solitary. Holt tells her that she prefers it to Gen Pop where she spends most of her time having to convince people she’s not snitching since they all expect cops to be doing so. When she does see Rosa the first time, she apologizes about how long it’s been and Rosa levels a look at her from behind dirty glass, “It’s stupid that you feel guilty. We’re fine. I know you’re here if I need you” and Amy smiles. Rosa waits a beat to ask, “How’s Jake, really?” 

* 

She’s at her desk, flipping through a stack of surveillance photos to find the one she needs to complete and submit her arrest report and Scully appears next to her, lowering a plate of…something in front of her nose. She leans back, away from whatever it is, and looks up a Scully, “What is that?” 

He smiles, proud of whatever it is, “Captain told Hitchcock and I to clean out the fridge so we took all the expired left overs out and made poppers” he says, pointing to the balled up assorted foods on the plate. “Try one” he says, putting the plate right in front of her again, popping one in his own mouth when she makes a face. 

“No thanks” she says, trying to turn away, but he follows with the plate of disgusting food, looking like he’s going to belabor the point. “Scully, I’m busy and I am not putting that in my mouth, go away” she finally says and he lets out an annoyed sigh going to find his next victim. 

A beat later Charles clears his throat next to her “I’m not putting that in my mouth, go away…title of your sex tape”. It sounds hesitant coming from him, like he’s not sure if he’s allowed to make the joke without Jake there, like he’s taking something that isn’t his. But, after a moment she laughs and then she hears Terry chuckle behind them and Charles cracks a small smile. 

“Good one” she whispers. Jake is going to come back to the same place he left – they’ll make sure of it. 

* 

She’s at her desk on a Monday morning afternoon when Hitchcock opens an egg salad sandwich and she has to run to the bathroom to be sick. She looks at the sign Gina left on her desk, _Enigma in, Gina out_ and tells herself that she and Jake are careful and there is no way she could be pregnant. She’s late, but she’s stressed, and she really doesn’t think it’s anything but that. Still, she buys a test on her way home that night because the little voice in the back of her head saying _what if_ threatens to make her absolutely crazy. She’s not pregnant. It’s a good thing, this would be a horrible time. But the moment of happy/relieved/sad she has when she reads the results has her leaning against the bathroom wall. 

She does have the flu, though, and it makes her miss her planned visit with Jake over the next weekend. It’ll make three weeks between visits and she hates that, resolving not to let it happen again. 

* 

She should be mad, when Jake gets a phone. She is such a believer in the rules ( _Rules are meant to be followed, nothing is meant to be broken_ ). But he’d been in solitary (a place where Amy knows he would not fare well) and she hadn’t been able to talk to him at all. And the warden has him snitching and that terrifies her. And he’s been moved to Gen Pop, a place where bad ass Rosa has to spend all her time starting riots and watching her back just to survive. And he’s joining a gang (though maybe she should be glad it’s not ISIS). And he’s not guilty, so maybe them being able to talk during the day (her letting him listen when she asks Holt how he feels about Jake being gone and Holt says nice things about him and she gets to hear him gush in her ear) is just fair. 

* 

She can’t believe that pigs, of all things, are the key to saving Jake and Rosa. Once the diamonds have been found in the pigs and Langdon has confessed and Hawkins is in custody, the prisons move Jake and Rosa into protective custody. Their releases have to be processed by a judge and they’re told it’ll be a few days. Amy hates every second of it ( _they’re innocent, dammit, we proved it, why can’t they just let them go_ she’d say in Holt’s office when she finds out). In the meantime, though, they 

get their own clothes back and sleep in private cells in protective custody, and are allowed to make phone calls as they wish. So, even though Jake doesn’t have the cell phone anymore, she gets to talk to him a lot. 

She’s sitting on her couch Wednesday evening, Jake’s case files spread over the coffee table, a can of Diet Coke perched on the corner. She’s too scared to get completely comfortable with the idea that Jake and Rosa are coming home, that they’ve built the case air tight enough. So, she’s still working the case, making sure every detail is accounted for. No one might ever see the work she’s doing right now, and that’s fine – if they need it, they’ll have it and hopefully they never will. 

Her phone rings, the South Carolina phone number she’s become uncomfortably familiar with recently flashing on her screen. Jake tells her that they’re letting him go first thing in the morning. He tells her that he’ll just take a Taxi to the airport and fly home, but even as he’s saying it, she’s propping her laptop up on the couch and booking a flight to Jericho. She doesn’t tell him though, if for some reason she can’t get there in time, she doesn’t want him to be disappointed. When they hang up, she changes her clothes, doesn’t bother packing anything, grabs her purse and heads to the airport, texting Holt on the way. 

Jake steps past the gate, it closing and locking loudly behind him, and she can tell the moment he spots her. He looks surprised, even though she has a hard time believing that he really thought she wouldn’t be here for this. She pushes off her rental car and meets him half way, her body crushing against his. She pushes as close to him as she can, feels his smile against her shoulder as he pulls her close. She’s taking a half step back to look at him, when her hand slides around to him stomach and he gives a little “ooff” sound and she looks up at him quizzically. 

“It’s nothing” he says, dropping a kiss to her lips before sliding his arm around her shoulders. “Did you buy a new car while I was locked up?” he asks, sarcastic, as they walk towards it. 

“Rental” she answers, absent mindedly. She stops when they’re by the car, “Seriously?” she asks, gesturing to his stomach. 

“Can we just get out of here?” he asks, not quite meeting her eyes. “I’ll tell you about it later,” he adds, soft, “I just wanna…” he trails off, looking back towards the prison. 

“Of course, babe” she says. She expects him to want to drive, but he kisses the crown of her head and slips into the passenger side quietly. 

When they get to the airport, she returns the car and they buy standby tickets for Brooklyn. The gate agent tells them that they should be able to get on the flight leaving in about an hour. Amy doesn’t let go of Jake, hasn’t since they left the prison, always holding his hand or looping her arm though his – convinced that if she loses that physical contact, that proof that he really is here with her, he’ll disappear and this will all have been a dream. 

She calls Holt from the waiting are by the gate, leaning close to the window to keep reception, and find out that he was able to pick Rosa up today too. When she tells Jake, he closes his eye and rocks back on his heals before letting out a relieved “noice”. They agree to meet at Shaw’s when they land, so that everyone will be able to see each other. 

Jake falls asleep on the plane, head on her shoulder and eyes closed before the plane has even taken off. She rests her head against his, she doesn’t sleep, just enjoys being by him. She wakes him when they land, he grins at her, like he’s relieved she’s still there. The drive to Shaw’s is weird. He watches the streets pass by from the passenger side like he’s seeing them for the first time. She has to park half a block away and, on the walk, up they see Rosa, standing on the sidewalk at the end of the street, shifting her weight between her feet. When they get to the bar Jake kisses her temple and mummers “Can I meet you inside?” against her skin. She nods, squeezes his hand once, and lets it go for the first time since she got him back, trying to tamp down the feeling in her chest. 

When she walks into Shaw’s alone, Charles panics, “Where is Jake, is he okay, did something - ” 

She raises a hand, cutting him off, “He’s fine, he’s talking to Rosa outside” she says and Charles lets out a huge sigh of relief. Amy would make fun of him if she wasn’t already itching to have Jake back in her line of sight. 

Terry brings Jake and Rosa in, finally, and she spends the rest of her night tucked against Jake’s side. Smiling as people toast him and he and Rosa compare notes on their respective prisons. They don’t get into anything too deep, trying to keep it light, at least for now. She notices that Jake nurses the same beer all night, and that despite talking about being excited for food half the ride here, he’d picked a few fries off Terry’s plate, made a face, and hadn’t eaten anything else. 

They stay until Scully drops a plate of nachos down his shirt and tries to take it off. They choose to take that as a sign and everyone disperses to their various means home. Jake slides into the passenger seat, again, and is quite on the way home, now that it’s just them. He chews on the side of his thumb, the nail is too short to bite so he’s chewing on skin and it can’t be the first time, because there is a little dried blood by where he’s got his teeth. She doesn’t know what to say or how to help him, so she just slides her hand into his free hand and hopes that’s enough. 

When they walk into the apartment, he drops his jacket over the back of the couch and glances around. She’s pretty sure she hasn’t changed anything since he’s been gone but when she goes to say that his fingers play over the throw blanket she’d tossed on the recliner and he says “It this new?” voice a little detached. 

She nods, “Yeah. My mom sent it”. Right after the verdict, her mother wanted to visit, but Amy hadn’t had the emotional bandwidth, so she’s asked her not to. Instead, she’d sent a little care package, a _sorry your boyfriend is a jailed dirty cop and I’m never getting grandchildren from you, but enjoy this blanket and fancy shampoo_ kind of thing. The blanket was too soft for her to throw away. 

His eyes flit to the paperwork on the table and drops onto the couch, moving the files around a little to look at them before he touches the side of the soda can (still half a soda in there) she left in her haste to get to South Carolina. She walks around the couch to sit with him, sitting close enough to him that their thighs touch. He kisses her shoulder as she settles in with him and she takes his hand, “I’m sorry it took so long” she says, quiet. 

“Ames” he breaths out, tapping on the binder a few times before shifting a little so he’s angled more towards her. He smiles, cocks his head a little, “I can’t believe you didn’t know what finishing pigs are” he jokes. She rolls her eyes, shoving at his shoulder lightly. “Don’t do this to yourself, okay?” he adds, seriousness slipping back into his tone, “No one could have anything more or different, it just…it sucks, but it’s done now.” A beat passes then, “And besides, I get to pee without anyone watching again, so it’s all good.” 

They go into their room and then, for all Jake’s talk about communal showers being to worst experience of his life, he turns the water on in the shower and then tugs her into the steamy bathroom. He pulls her shirt over hear head slowly, tracing his fingers along her skin as he exposes it and she arches into his touch. He pops the button on her jeans, and blocks her hand when she reaches for his shirt, instead he drags her jeans down her legs and guiding them off, nipping at her thighs as he goes. 

She squirms a little, despite herself, and he smiles against the swell of her breast, self-satisfied as he unhooks her bra and lets it fall to the floor. She, again, reaches for the hem of his shirt and he grabs her hand, threading their fingers together and tugging her closer to him so he can kiss her temple and mumbles against her skin low, “I’m alright, okay” he says and she know that means he doesn’t want her to make a big deal about however bad this is so she nods a little. He swallows and takes a half step back, one arm going behind his head to tug his shirt off and over his head, dropping in on the floor slowly. She can’t help the sharp intake of breath that she pulls in when she sees the smattering of bruising, the way her hands land on his hips (feather light), the way she breaths out his name, worry coloring her tone. He cups the back of her head with one hand, his other hand lading in her waist, “Doctors cleared me, okay? I’m fine, Amy” he mumbles against the shell of hear ear. 

In this moment, she hates herself a little. She wasn’t able to keep Jake out of jail, then wasn’t able to get him out fast enough, and he’d accidently done meth and been hurt – bad enough to leave his ribs ugly colors, and missed part of his life. But he’s here, standing in front of her and trying to make her feel better. She feels tears well up in the back of eyes, but she doesn’t want Jake worrying about her any more than he already is so he blinks them away and kisses Jake’s shoulder, “I love you, so much” she says, lips against his skin. 

“I love you too, Ame, so much” he answers, leaning back enough to shuck his own jeans and boxers (he has bruising on his thighs, too) before pulling off her underwear with two fingers and leading her into the shower. 

They take turns rubbing shampoo into each other’s hair and then rinsing it out, then his soapy hand slides over her hip as conditioner sets in their hair. It’s not sexual, as she thought it might be when he pulled her into the shower, it’s more intimate, everything he does seems to be about fostering closeness. 

They do have sex that night, him over her, her head caged in between his forearms on both sides. His forehead rests on hers, eyes open, as he pushes in and out of her in long, languid strokes. He kisses her when she comes, and follows her over the ledge not long after, burring his face in her shoulder. She’s the big spoon when they sleep that night, and he threads their fingers together against his chest, and they fall asleep pressed together. 

Her alarm wakes her up and she sits up to turn it off and glances behind her to see Jake laying down, but looking at her. “Forgot to turn it off, sorry” she mumbles, still not completely awake and voice hoarse with sleep. Jake rolls on to his back and pulls her down so she’s laying on his chest, kissing the top of her head as she settles in. “You look like you’ve been awake awhile” she says, pressing in close to him. 

He nods a little, “Yeah – I had some trouble sleeping” he says and she tilts her head up to kiss the underside of his jaw. 

“Wanna talk about it?” she asks quietly. 

He makes a little movement that she thinks would have been a shrug had they not been laying down, “I don’t really know – I think it’s just a reacclimating thing” he says slowly, “I was only really sleeping in two- or three-hour increments and I was always pretty nervous. I think I just have to get out of the habit” he adds, quiet. She’s almost surprised he’s being so open, but she shouldn’t be – he’s come so far and he’s always been honest with her. She turns her head to press a kiss to his chest. “I am super sleepy though” he says, blowing out a long breath, “so maybe we could just do this” he gestures at them laying in bed “all day?” 

She smiles, “sounds perfect” 

They do spend the day in bed. They order take out from Jake’s favorite Korean Barbeque place and Amy puts on a robe to get the door and Jake sits and make a high-pitched wining noise until she gets back into the bed, giggling, and handing him a plate and a container of food, and that’s about the longest they spend not touching the whole day. They watch all the television that has built up on the DVR – all the things that she refused to watch without him. He sleeps on and off through the day, his head in her lap and her hand in his hair. 

* 

On Saturday, she convinces him to get checked out by a doctor and he gets his psych eval out of the way since he was worried about it. After, when she asks him how it went, he kisses her hair and mumbles “I lied a lot, so I’m sure it was fine” and she rolls her eyes and presses up onto her tip toes to kiss him, trying to hide her worry. 

They go to his mom’s after that and Amy sinks into the couch and the background, letting Karen fret over Jake. Jake glosses over his time in prison, making it sound like he didn’t have much contact with other prisoners (like he wasn’t an hour away from what surely would have been a deadly altercation with Romero when they raided Hawkins’ meeting). Just thinking about it horrifies Amy, so she takes a sip of the tea Karen gave her and tucks her legs under her on the couch and reaches for Jake’s hand. He glances over at her when she does, worried, but she just smiles at him, a little embarrassed by how much she needs the reassurance that he’s still with her, and he wraps his fingers around hers and sweeps his thumb over her knuckles in a slow easy pattern while he keeps talking to his mom. 

* 

On Sunday he shaves the beard. She’d thought he might keep it – having spent so much time lamenting his inability to grow one in the decade that she’s known him. But she catches sight of him in the mirror when she passes the bathroom door that he left open and sees him staring at his reflection, scrubbing his hand over the hair on his cheeks before he sighs heavily and starts to shave. 

She’s setting out breakfast when he comes out, clean faced and kisses her softly. She slides her hand against his cheek and feels him smile against her lips. 

They go to see Rosa that afternoon, and Amy is away from Jake for the first significant amount of time since his return when him and Rosa disappear together for a while down the hallway of Rosa’s apartment. She can intermittently hear their hushed voices and she just sinks into the couch and plays on her phone, not wanting to intrude. She’d come to Rosa’s a few times while she was in prison – the squad had taken turns dropping by to collect the mail and check on things after she’d begrudgingly given her address to Holt after the conviction. She’s thinks idly that Rosa will have to move again soon. 

* 

Jake insists on going to work with her on Monday morning. He’s been given two weeks off and hasn’t taken any of it. And they both know he won’t be cleared for active duty for a while. But, when he gets out of bed at the sound of her alarm and starts to get ready, Amy can understand the need to get up and do something, lest the anxiety swallow you whole. So, she tugs on his wrist until his eyes meet her and whispers “Are you sure you want to go in today?”. 

He kisses the crown of her hair softly before he rests his forehead on hers, “Yeah” he whispers back. Her second alarm goes off and he rolls his eyes, pushing back a little and cocking a grin, “Besides, two people isn’t enough to do the full take out buffet I’ve been craving, so I’ve got to get to the Nine-Nine and get on that”. She smiles, even though she’s worried, and he kisses her temple before going to the closet to grab a tie and his hoodie. 

No one seems surprised to see Jake, or Rosa when she comes in about fifteen minutes later. The two of them disappear into Holt’s office for a little over an hour, but go back to their desks when they come out, Holt sighing with exasperated fondness in the doorway. 

* 

At some point it all starts to feel normal again. Amy stops flinching when someone slams a door and doesn’t panic when she can’t find Jake right away. It stops being a novelty to look up from her desk and see him working at his, and just starts to feel like her life again. Part of her is wary of it – this happened after Florida too, the belief that they were past the separation and didn’t have to worry, a belief that crashed down around her with one word - _guilty_. This is different, though, this is moving forward knowing you can handle anything – that nothing is guaranteed but that you’ll survive what comes. 

Jakes throws a goldfish cracker at her from his desk, giving her a dopy grin when she looks up and rolls her eyes. “I love you. So much” she says and his grin expands. 

“I love you too, Ames. So much.” A beat passes, and he throws another cracker. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This was my first B99 fic, hope you liked it! Please comment / Kudo!


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